Clik here to view.
Watching Frozen
Watching Frozen, you can physically feel Disney heaving their arms free of the quagmire as they watch Pixar sprint into the distance. But that swamp is seventy years of their own movies and there’s...
View ArticleClik here to view.
How Terminator Salvation’s Heart Transplant Should Have Gone
Random resistance medic: John Connor needs a new heart. Marcus: Take mine. RRP: What? No! Are you insane? You’re the most insanely valuable soldier, equipment, and intelligence resource we have! You...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Effect of Fractal Hobbits
“And if the scale has already been pierced, doesn’t that mean that anything could kill Smaug now? Like regular arrows of which there are thousands in the city, not counting the infinite number being...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Further Hellraiser Sequels
Hellraiser is the textbook case for exponential decay through sequels. With four theatrical releases out of nine movies, it’s now more direct-to-video than film, and fully a third of them turned out to...
View ArticleClik here to view.
How The Matrix Should Have Gone
Machine 0 looking up at the blackened sky. 0: Wow, turns out they could screw that up even faster than they were doing before. Machine 1 flies up beside Machine 0, for no reason other than narrative...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Hollywood’s Upcoming All-White Live-Action Remakes
After bleaching Egypt in Exodus, and announcing caucasified live-action versions of Ghost in the Shell and Akira, Hollywood is half a step from releasing an all-white remake of the rainbow. What other...
View ArticleClik here to view.
From the Makers of the Jem And The Holograms Trailer
Thrill as the team behind the new Jem trailer tackle other classic properties! GI Joe: Joe “Duke” Bloke signs up, and patiently works his way up the ranks with careful attention to peacetime duties...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Father’s Day and Darth Deadbeat
Darth Vader was the ultimate deadbeat dad. Angry, abusing the mother, and he didn’t even know he had kids because he’d stormed off to take a promotion at the job which consumed his life. Then decades...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Fixing Furiosa: The Improved Mad Max Comic
The Mad Max Furiosa comic is worse for the women involved than Darth Vader’s Guide To Bring Your Daughter To Work Day. Step 1: Introduce her to your co-workers! I’d point out the problems but that’s...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Thunderbirds, Star Trek, and Showing Not Telling
Improved graphics give us a reason to remake, but retelling the exact same story with improved graphics is the work of obsessively nostalgic fan-projects instead of new releases. Altering something...
View Article
